Blog posts for pretty much all of November : )

November 10, 2008

I am seeing myself turn Perfect, almost.

It’s midnight and I am awake. Why oh why? Four and a half hours past my bedtime and the wheels in my brain are turning, my heart is thumping and I have so much energy I could dance circles around Michael Jackson.

I thought maybe I was hungry for food, so I ate a mango. Strangely enough, the most delicious food in the world did not impede this growing hunger for something in my body. The mango didn’t do it, neither did brushing my teeth, neither did praying, so I find myself writing and trying to unravel this energy.

No matter where I am in the world, no matter who I am with, I find myself in seasons where I find myself at a complete loss of understanding in what is going on! In these seasons I feel as if I am outside of this life I am living, and not apathetic, but I feel as if I am so far from away from what my hands are touching and my eyes are seeing. I feel as if I am to be observing myself and learning, and then when I am put back into my body I will be full of convictions and then I will learn from all my observations of my mistakes, and I will be PERFECT! So this is me looking from outside my body, and at the end of this blog entry, I will be perfect, and you will get to witness this… lucky you, you get to watch me turn into a beautiful butterfly : )

In April I went to a ‘retreat’ for 4 days at St. Benadict’s Monastary just North of Winnipeg. It was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life! Complete stillness in peaceful quiet can bring such an unimaginable serenity. Imagine eating delicious food in community with nuns and people you have never seen before… only there are no words spoken, nobody asks you questions, nobody tells stories, nobody says a word. From 5AM – noon every day was silent retreat. They have an ART room full of HUGE cupboards full of a mix of various art supplies that are there for you to use, open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They have a small room with a record player, cd player, a lazyboy, and candles. They have a room with a big piano and some couches and candles. They have a chapel/sanctuary with candles going any time of day. Their motto for the weekend was;

Be Still and Know that I Am God

Be Still and Know that I Am

Be Still and Know

Be Still

Be

That was back in April (2008).

This past Saturday I was heading home from town and because of the traffic I took a taxi rather than a bus. The taxi driver’s name was Herve, he is from Madagascar but went to school in France and thankfully he was able to understand my brutal French dialect and we were able to converse. It’s funny that he brought up the pace of life in Madagascar, how ‘chill’ it is. He said it’s difficult, but relaxed.

Today is Monday this means I teach extra school lessons to four Grade 4 students after school for one hour. Then if I’m lucky (just a figure of speech, I don’t believe in ‘luck’), Anna’s dad will pick her up in their SUV and will drive me to Jocelyn’s house where I go for supper and then later we go to bible study together. Today though it was Anna’s mother who picked her up (but still in a vehicle rather than a moped). It was the first time I had met her mother. She also spoke excellent French and offered me a ride, and I excitedly took her up on it. We talked on the way to Joce’s, and oddly enough, she TOO brought up the ‘chilled’ pace of life here. Hmmm… I am beginning to shed my cocoon.

Today the Bible study was about gentleness. How we need to take the time to bind wounds (no matter how old they are!), but at this busy pace of life the majority of us are used to, we do not take the time to wrap up and encourage healing to these wounds... and it will be impossible for us to be whole.

God clicked this in my brain today. It’s been a re-occuring theme since my time spent in St Benadicts this past April. ‘Just BE, and fall in love with ME!’… I think that if this is the only thing I learn this year… traveling so far from home, away from friends and family… it’s worth it : ) (although I kinda wish I wasn’t so thick-headed, so I’d learn quicker!).

Wow look at me, I am a beautiful perfect butterfly!

Oh the time has come, I am returning to my body. My eyelids are feeling like heavy weights I am struggling to keep from closing, my muscles are aching and I don’t really FEEL like a beautiful perfect butterfly, I feel more like an exhausted, flea bitten, 22 year old. Actually, I think I’m 23, it crossed my mind the other day I actually don’t remember my age. It doesn’t matter I guess, who really cares how old a perfect butterfly is ; )

Oh the sounds that I have been blessed to hear as my thoughts flow onto this computer screen:

*Avril Lavigne – Say

*The Album Leaf – On Your Way, Over the Pond, Another Day, Streamside

*American Football – Stay Home

*Corinne Bailey Ray – Trouble Sleeping, Call Me When You Get This, Choux Pastry Heart

Dixie Chicks – Voice Inside My Head, Favorite Year, Easy Silence (Everytime I hear this song, I hear and see Janessa Penner singing it in her beautiful voice, and Tim Rogalsky walking around the congregation playing his viola… I miss snc)

p.s. (what does that stand for?) I don’t truly think I’m perfect, but I like to dream : ) Also, I don’t think I’m crazy, but if these ramblings seem to convince you otherwise, just know that I have strange bug bites all over my body and I am probably carrying some kind of mind altering disease…

hahaha

Have a great day!